People Helping

One of the hardest lessons we have to learn in life is that you can't fix everybody.

I guess pastors especially can be stricken with the compulsion to get all situations and individuals staightened out. We take on a messiah complex and feel it's our duty to work hard to eradicate all problems and motivate every single person to do exactly what he's supposed to do. Ministers sometimes put themselves under the burden of thinking they've got to resolve every marriage crisis in the congregation and smooth over all conflicts and restore each backslider.

But all of us struggle with the same obsession. Maybe we exert a lot of energy trying to convince an alcoholic to stop drinking. Perhaps we invest a lot of time in attempting to patch up some couple's marital relationship or in persuading an abusive husband or dad to get help or in pushing another individual to take more initiative in life. Often we find ourselves begging and pleading with family members or friends to start going to church. Maybe we tearfully implore a spouse to end an affair or a rebellious teen to quit drug use or someone angry with us to reconcile.

It's certainly true that we may have a genuine desire to help another person get through or get around some issue. Occasionally, though, our intense quest to rescue springs from an internal need to control seemingly chaotic circumstances so that some anxiety inside us can be reduced. It's even possible that our feverish labors to manage or correct someone else's problem might be an unconscious effort on our part to work through some unfinished stuff in our own life, maybe from many years ago.

Frantically trying to fix others usually is ineffective, however. We end up losing sleep and spilling a lot of sweat and tears for nothing. Does that mean we should refuse to care and be a help? Of course not. With generous doses of both grace and truth , mixed with loving presence, we can attempt to show a troubled person a better way. Ultimately, though, they have to possess a desire to change, and a willingness to work toward that. Regrettably, some persons decide to stay as they are.

Instead of wearing ourselves out playing God, we may have to back off and pray and leave most folks in the Lord's hands. Jesus didn't "fix" Nazareth in Mark 6 nor the rich young ruler in Mark 10. Judas comes to mind, too. Paul couldn't "fix" Demas or Alexander or even some formerly close friends in 2 Timothy 4:9-16. The Apostle couldn't even change young John Mark in Acts 15...but God did, in His timing.

We should lovingly do our best with hurting people and then entrust them to the Father's care. He made them. He knows best.